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Feb. 22nd, 2008

  • 10:31 PM
Title: Uchiha Sasuke's Advice to the Graduating Genin of Konoha Academy
Author: [info]wings_on_fire
Character: Sasuke
Fandom: Naruto
Category: Humour, general
Rating:  G
Spoilers: None (unless you squint)
A/N: This piece owes its existence to the original Sunscreen and Cat Feral's brilliant HP parodies in Fictionalley (this among others).

Summary: Uchiha Sasuke addresses the graduating genin  of Konoha Academy and  gives them the benefit of his considerable knowledge and experience.

**************

 

Train constantly.

 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, this would be it. The benefits of rigorous, regular training are known to all, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own experience. I will dispense this advice now.

 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Most of you will not survive long enough to enjoy your middle or old age.

 

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to awaken the Sharingan by watching the sunset. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you some quiet evening as you blithely skip home after school.

 

Do one thing every day that scares you.

 

Train religiously.

 

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts (unless they stand in the way of your goal). Vow revenge on those who are reckless with yours.

 

Train persistently.

 

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Most of the time you are ahead, once in a rare while, the dead last manages to surprise you. The race is long and, in the end, all that matters is that you gain enough power to reach your goal.

 

Remember the compliments you receive. Don’t forget the insults. They are what keep you going ahead.

 

Hang on to the old family crest. Throw away your fan mail. Cut loose those pesky bonds.

 

Train diligently.

 

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. Not everyone is an Avenger with a clan to avenge and resurrect.

 

Take good care of your eyes. You’ll miss them when they’re snatched from you.

 

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you’ll not. Maybe you’ll have children (you’d better, if you want to revive your dead clan), maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll be dragged to the nearest ramen shop to celebrate your 75th anniversary. Whatever you do, remember your choices are your own.

 

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can, if you must. But once you are through with it, don’t run after other people’s bodies.

 

Train, even if you have nowhere to do it but your family compound and no one to do it with but yourself.

 

Read your clan scrolls and your clan history. Your very life could depend on it.

 

Do not read beauty magazines. If you have time to read them, you have time to train.

 

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be wary of your siblings. They are the people most likely to muck up your life in the future.

 

Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few you should allow to hold on. Let them work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who were willing to follow you to the ends of the earth, weren’t afraid to tie you up to make you listen to reason, and never ever gave up on you even after you’d punched a hole through their chests.

 

Live in Konohagakure once. But leave before it makes you soft. Live in Otogakure once, but leave before it makes you hard. Travel, preferably in a group.

 

Accept certain inalienable truths. Those you trust will betray you. Your rivals will grow powerful. You too will grow old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were younger, people were more dependable, rivals less powerful and children respected their elders.

 

Respect your elders. Unless they happen to be after your body, in which case, forget respect and try chidori.

 

Don’t let anyone else support you. Maybe you have powerful friends, maybe you have an inheritance. But you may have to leave it all behind one day in order to succeed in your mission.

 

Don’t mess too much with your hair. If you have time for your hair, you have time to train.

 

Be careful whose advice you take, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, and dispensing it is a way adopted by people who have no idea what they’re talking about, to stop you from pursuing your goal.

 

But trust me on training.

 

Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]marley_station wrote:
Feb. 22nd, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
Good one.
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks:D
[info]kanoi_trace wrote:
Feb. 22nd, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
Awwwwww. This made me giggle.
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks:)
[info]kohikari wrote:
Feb. 22nd, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing* That was even better than the Lupin one. Great job~
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
Glad you like it. Have you read Snape's and Voldemort's? They are very funny.
(Anonymous) wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 12:29 am (UTC)
Respect your elders. Unless they happen to be after your body, in which case, forget respect and try chidori.

lol
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
:D
[info]senbonzakura77 wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
Take good care of your eyes. You’ll miss them when they’re snatched from you.


Live in Konohagakure once. But leave before it makes you soft. Live in Otogakure once, but leave before it makes you hard. Travel, preferably in a group.


Respect your elders. Unless they happen to be after your body, in which case, forget respect and try chidori.


LMAO. :D I adore this piece-so very well written & absolutely hilarious! :D
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm glad you like it. I had great inspiritation. Besides, I find it easier to write Sasuke than any other character.
[info]t_bella wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 04:22 am (UTC)
<3 I love it. Naruto and the one speech I follow my life by, absolutely brilliant. =]
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 04:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I love that speech too. It's very inspiring.
[info]jasmine_signet wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 07:49 am (UTC)
LOL. xD

Loved the "Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few you should allow to hold on. Let them work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who were willing to follow you to the ends of the earth, weren’t afraid to tie you up to make you listen to reason, and never ever gave up on you even after you’d punched a hole through their chests."

And the "Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can, if you must. But once you are through with it, don’t run after other people’s bodies."

And... all of it. xD Good job.
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Feb. 23rd, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had fun writing it.
[info]senbonzakura77 wrote:
May. 4th, 2008 04:04 am (UTC)
Hello. I would like to notify you that I've nominated this fanfiction over at [info]naruto_choice for the Best One-Shot & Best Character Portrayal Categories.

If you are alright with that, then please reply here & let me know, or else it will not be added to the list. Thanks! :D
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
May. 4th, 2008 11:45 am (UTC)
Thank you for nominating this. Please go ahead:D
[info]senbonzakura77 wrote:
May. 5th, 2008 01:46 am (UTC)
Thanks on both of them! :D If you'd like to check out the voting, it will be from July until early August & winners will be posted around August 5th.
[info]shafted_artist wrote:
Aug. 21st, 2008 07:51 am (UTC)
lol. I used to love that song. Sasuke's take on it was a humorous form of nostalgia for myself XD.
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Aug. 21st, 2008 09:24 am (UTC)
Thanks for the comment. I love that song too and writing this was fun.
[info]anat_astarte wrote:
Feb. 28th, 2009 06:15 am (UTC)
Great fic! :D
[info]wings_on_fire wrote:
Mar. 3rd, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading:)
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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